Everything English

As noted in Round 1 of Eliminating Redundancies, redundancies are created by unnecessarily expressing the same idea or using the same word or phrase repeatedly. While some repetition may be necessary, to preserve the focus of a paper or paragraph, too much is actually detrimental. Here are some more examples of redundancies and how to fix them:

• The United States Civil War began in 1861. On April 12, 1861, civil war broke out when battle broke out at Fort Sumter. The Civil War is the most deadly war (measured by per capita deaths) in American history, with at least 600,000 deaths caused by the war. The Civil War is also the first example of total war, which is so-called because of its totality. Total war touches all parts of societies. Total war had touched all parts of American society by 1865.

Words that are too close together include:

• The United States Civil War began in 1861. On April 12, 1861, civil war broke out when battle broke out at Fort Sumter. The Civil War is the most deadly war (measured by per capita deaths) in American history, with at least 600,000 deaths caused by the war. The Civil War is also the first example of total war, which is so-called because of its totality. Total war touches all parts of societies. Total war had touched all parts of American society by 1865.
• The United States Civil War began in 1861. On April 12, 1861, civil war broke out when  battle broke out at Fort Sumter.
• The Civil War is the most deadly war (measured by per capita deaths) in American history, with at least 600,000 deaths caused by the war.
• The Civil War is also the first example of total war, which is so-called because of its totality. Total war touches all parts of societies. Total war had touched all parts of American society by 1865.
• Total war touches all parts of societies. Total war had touched all parts of American society by 1865.

The paragraph would read better if written:

• The United States Civil War began on April 12, 1861, when battle broke out at Fort Sumter. By 1865, there were more than 600,000 casualties. In terms of per capita deaths, the Civil War is the deadliest in American history. It is also the first example of total war, so-called because it touches all parts of societies. Certainly, by the time the Confederate Army surrendered, the War Between the States had left untouched no sector of American life.

Note how redundancy is eliminated by:

• Varying vocabulary (e.g. “parts of societies” vs. “sector of American life”).
• Replacing proper nouns with more generic nouns (e.g. “Civil War” vs. “it”). In other cases, demonstrative adjectives, such as “that” or “this”, can fulfill the same purpose.
• Providing new and substantive details (e.g. “the War Between the States” is both a way of not saying “Civil War” again and a way of telling readers that the Civil War is also known by another name).
• Not expressing the same idea more than once when this is unnecessary. (“The United States Civil War began in 1861. On April 12, 1861, civil war broke out when battle broke out at Fort Sumter.” It is obvious from the first sentence that the “Civil War began in 1861”. Therefore, it is not necessary to begin the second sentence with, “On April 12, 1861, civil war broke out”. The two sentences can be combined as: “The United States Civil War began on April 12, 1861, when battle broke out at Fort Sumter.”)